Sisterhood of Angel Mama’s Magazine Issue 01 | July 2020
Charlie & Madalyn’s Story
Written & Photo by Charlie & Madalyn
I’ll never forget the words that changed our lives forever, in the worst way. “This is your baby, but I don’t see a heartbeat today. I’m so sorry.” The floor disappeared beneath us. This is the most horrible dream, but it wasn’t. We were 11 weeks into our third pregnancy, so anxious to see our precious baby, the day we found out that our baby was gone. Measuring at just nine weeks, I’d been carrying our angel longer than their life; my body held on and refused to give up hope. The days after that appointment are a complete blur. Filled with sobs, surgery, and constantly reliving the reality of what was happening to us. Trying to accept that the life journey of our Asher Rain will always be a conversation of what could have been.
We decided shortly after losing Asher that we wanted to try again to expand our family.
We got our hearts ready and started the emotional journey of trying to get pregnant after loss. We were so thrilled to get a positive after a few months; our rainbow baby was on the way. Unfortunately, our nightmare continued. During a special dinner to celebrate closing on our house and adding to our family, we began losing our precious baby. Numbness followed. No matter how many times we were told “bleeding can be normal”, we knew that our baby, Silas June, was slipping away from us and there was nothing we could do. The following Monday we had an ultrasound that confirmed what we already knew. We’d lost our second baby in just five months.
Continuing life without our two angels has been overwhelming. Each breath, step, and word spoken is an effort. Doing everyday things feels unnatural. We have two gaping holes left where our precious babies are no longer. I pray someday our storm will run out of rain, but for now we hold tight to our babies on Earth, and grieve endlessly for our babies in Heaven.
Without the love and support of our family and friends, we honestly don’t know how we could continue to get through this season on life. Somehow, we continue to move forward, and although every single day brings challenges and reminders, we are surviving. If you are facing the pain of losing a pregnancy or precious baby, you will, too. Give yourself, and each other, time and grace.