Sisterhood of Angel Mama’s Magazine | Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Edition October 2021
My Baby Was A Fighter
Written & Photos by Payal Savjani
I had such a smooth pregnancy with no complications. My baby was healthy & growing. When I was 40 weeks pregnant, I was induced and within an hour my labour pain started & it was very intense from the beginning but I still tried to bear it for hours. Later that morning the doctor came to see me and I told him my water broke hours ago and the pain was insane and I’m unable to take it any longer, I want a cesarean and he asked me am I sure and I begged him yes, please do it .
He said okay and he will be back within half an hour for the c-section but he didn’t. Despite the several calls from my family, he didn’t take a single call. It had been 4 hours by that time my uterus had already ruptured and my baby had slipped out of my uterus and went back to my abdomen. Finally he came and he already knew it was an emergency case so he rushed me to operation theatre.
They didn’t let my husband or any family member in even though it is allowed, as he knew the case is worse. I had already lost a lot of blood and was on the verge to die but was miraculously saved. After 2 hours I was out of the operation theatre unconscious and when I woke up I saw my husband sitting next to me sobbing and my mother in law broke the news to me that he was so beautiful and an exact copy of his dad but he is gone. They later put him next to me but I was still not in my complete sense due to the medication so I couldn’t even pick him up or hug him and I fell unconscious again. The thing which hurts me most is I didn’t get a chance to hold him once as they took him for burial. I held him inside for 9 months but didn’t hold him even for 2 minutes .
It still breaks my heart everyday to get up knowing I have lost something unimaginable and I will never get it back. Some days I’m strong and some days I just break down.
It’s been 7 months since we lost him and we named him ANSH which means part of his parents in Hindu religion. He was born on January 30, 2021.
I still talk about him with pride and love. He was a fighter, he fought until his last breath and if he died inside of me, I wouldn’t be alive but he fought to save his mummy .