Sisterhood of Angel Mama’s Magazine | Issue 03

Things Have Never Been The Same Again After My Loss

Written and Photo by Londiwe Khoza

So my story started in October 2020 when I went back to work after 6 months maternity leave. I decided to try a different contraceptives since injection messed up my hormones and the doctor suggested Yasmine plus which I was told they were good. A month after I started experiencing shortness of breath and difficulty in breathing I ignored it and then it gotten worse so I went to the doctor and they thought it was asthmatic attacks and I was given a pump. The pump never helped so I decided to go back to the doctor again and they ran tests so I was told, yet still nobody knew what was wrong with me. I had to try and continue to do everything as normal but I had to stop going to the gym and walking so much.

The doctors thought I had anxiety and I had to take pills and see a shrink and that did not work then I was admitted in December 2021 for 4 days and then discharged. There were no changes and they thought it was all in my head and then decided to act like it was okay. In March, it gotten worse and I was admitted into the ICU in April only to discover that I was now 10 weeks pregnant. 

The cardiologist, endocrinologist and gynecologist came and advised that I should terminate my pregnancy since I was diagnose with Pulmonary Embolism and it was bad. I didn’t know the gender but I was in love with my unborn child and had to keep her safe and alive. I tried everything, my sugar was under control and I did an INR every two weeks. All my doctors appointments, she was fine and growing stronger even though my breathing was bad. Bathing was difficulty and so was moving around. On August 20th, I felt that she wasn’t moving and I ignored it since my daughter wasn’t really active, I just blamed the medication. By 8:30, I decided to go to the hospital only to find that she is not breathing. August 21, 2021, I had caesarean and gave birth to a sleeping angel Hlelo Zee Shoba. I still miss her so much.

Sisterhood Of Angel Mama’s Magazine