Sisterhood of Angel Mama’s Magazine | Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Edition October 2021
Written & Photos by Taylah Tjelder
Hi, my name is Taylah and I’m 20 years old and my fiancé’s name is Josh. Our son Thor Carter was born on the August 18, 2021 at 9:58pm. Thor was such a wanted and loved baby from the moment he was conceived. Thor , if people knew how much I truly missed you, they would wonder how I’m still breathing.
From the moment I woke up on August 18 I knew something wasn’t right. I went to the hospital and had an ultrasound and there he was moving with a strong heartbeat. The doctors and nurses did an internal examination to find that there was no fluids around him and told me he was going to be born today and wouldn’t make it. The words no parents want to hear. I was only 17 weeks and they told me he was so small to have a chance at survival. Our hearts broke!
I went very numb to it all and just knew what I had to do next… push. This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life but thanks to my partner and my mum being by my side I did it. Unfortunately, after Thor was born sleeping, my placenta didn’t want to come out so I was sent into surgery to have it removed. To this day, I am still waiting on the autopsy results and recovering.
No one prepares you or even makes you think this would ever happen to you. No one prepares you for the amount of decisions you have to make if you do or don’t want a funeral. If you do or don’t want to name your child. If you do or don’t want an autopsy. All the decisions no parents want to make or even think of.
I miss rubbing my belly and feeling my son kicks. I miss the back pains. I miss the headaches I had while pregnant. I miss the heart burn. I miss the funny walk he gave me.
Most of all … I miss my Thor Carter.