Sisterhood of Angel Mama’s Magazine Issue 01 | September 2020

My Beautiful Baby Gabriel Montano

Written & Photo by Vanessa Moya

In February 2020, I wasn’t feeling well. I thought I had a virus so I decided to go to the emergency room. While I was there, I found out I was eight weeks pregnant! I was in shock but extremely happy. After a few days I started to feel my baby’s little kicks. It was  wonderful and I cried the first time because it was so beautiful. I didn’t know what I was having so I chose a name for a girl and a boy. My fiancé and I started to research names and we came across one that we loved, Gabriel. In July, at our gender reveal party, we found out we were expecting a boy! We were was so excited and thrilled. I was having the best time of my life.

On July 24, 2020 my world changed and it is a day I would never forget. I noticed that my baby had stopped moving. I knew there was something wrong so I went to the hospital and anxiously waited. A few minutes later I was told what any mother fears. My son’s heart had stopped beating. My heart shattered. I wasn’t ready to hear such devastating news, no one is. I went through three days of pain both physical and emotional. I still had to deliver and on July 27th, my baby was born at 7:40pm. I will always remember his beautiful face, his cute little lips and eyes. He looked such like his dad. I held him feeling so much pain and when he left my arms, the pain got worse. I love him so much. I miss him so much.

Since  that time I started to read about the loss of a child and doing different things to keep my mind occupied. Luckily I read so many books on how to become a better person which helped me deal with the situation. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments. I can be washing dishes or just having fun and all the sudden I cry until I can’t no more. I started to say affirmations throughout the day; I am so strong, I am capable of overcoming anything and I am happy. I talk about my son all the time! Having people around me helped so much. I talk to him everyday which helps me and with time, I will heal little by little.

Sisterhood of Angel Mama’s Magazine