Sisterhood of Angel Mama’s Magazine | Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Edition October 2022
Written & Photos by Samantha Hilliard
Scylla (Sky-la) was stillborn at 36 weeks on June 10, 2022. She was wanted more than anything. The doctors said I had Velamentous Cord Insertion, something that should have been caught on an ultrasound if I had better care. I was low risk and everything seemed to be going fine but they didn’t give me adequate care. I was never told the importance of kick counts. I never felt comfortable or heard in that doctor’s office but it was basically my only choice at the time. I should have gone to the hospital sooner but I thought she wasn’t kicking much because she was tired as I worked all throughout my pregnancy and moved a lot everyday. I figured me moving so much made her sleepy. This happens to too many women and we all deserve the best care to ensure we bring a healthy, breathing baby into the world. Doctors need to do better. I’ll always be angry that my baby girl died.
She deserved so much more. She is my husband and I’s firstborn and I’m on a mission to ensure her memory never dies. I will never be the same again. I never knew that this would be apart of my story. I don’t know if I’ll even be able to have another baby as this has scarred me so deeply. A life full of grief is so exhausting and thats all I am anymore. Exhausted. All I want is her and I’ll never be able to have her. The pain is like no other and I’ll struggle with this for the rest of my life. I countdown the days until I can see her again. I love her more than anything. I’ll never pass up an opportunity to share my baby girl with the world because it’s the only thing I can do for her now and her name deserves to be heard. Scylla Virginia Hilliard, my only baby girl who I will never forget and I’ll never stop telling people about her, no matter how uncomfortable it makes them.
I wish I was lucky enough to only go through 5 minutes of discomfort. My whole life is now filled with heartache. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. Although there are many women who don’t deserve to be mothers for many reasons, this is something that will send someone over the edge and do things they will regret. It’s just unfair seeing people who don’t deserve to have children have them and neglect them. But thats a story for another day as I know too many people who have children that shouldn’t. I hope I can make a difference in this community, sharing Scylla’s story is just the beginning.