Sisterhood of Angel Mama’s Magazine | Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Edition October 2022
Our Sleeping Boy
Written & Photos by Emily Parfitt
I was 5 weeks when I found out I was pregnant with him and happy was an understatement, my partner and I couldn’t believe I was pregnant, it was like the light at the end of the tunnel! At first the weeks seemed so slow and then they just flew by, I was enjoying every moment, the pregnancy just brought me so much confidence, I love watching my bump grow. Everything was going amazing… until it wasn’t.
I started bleeding, only lightly but I started crying as soon as I saw it. I called the emergency room and was told I was probably fine as I wasn’t in pain and the blood was pink. They told me to go to the hospital the next day if I wanted so I went. Since it was the weekend the maternity was closed, so I waited in A&E for awhile, a nurse came and took me to a room, asked me a couple questions, pressed on my belly and told me “you’re fine nothing to worry about” but if the blood got darker or painful to come back. Sunday comes and goes.
I wake up Monday morning and the blood is now heavy and dark, I called an ambulance and ended up at maternity, I was given a bed and waited and then a doctor appeared and said he was getting me an emergency scan. We get to the scan room and I’m shaking. Get in there, lay down… and then the dreaded words came ” I’m really sorry but I can no longer find Heartbeat”. At first I froze, and then I cried in a way that I had never cried before, heart coming out my chest, barely getting a breath in as the tears streamed down my face, body exposed and feeling the most vulnerable, I covered my exposed skin and stood up, I looked at the nurse as she offered me one last scan picture of the baby and took it and left, the rest of that day was a blur.
The next day at 15.19 he was born in my bathroom. Our sweet angel. LIfe hasn’t been the same since and he forever changed our lives although he was taken far too soon.
Our first born, our angel, our boy 05.04.2022