Hi. My name is Mackenzie Carlson. I’m 19 years old. I got pregnant April 2018 at the age of 18. I eventually turned 19 in mid May. I had only been with my boyfriend since February. It was not a planned thing but I got a positive test before I missed my period because I was that exhausted and uncomfortable. I did not plan on continuing with the pregnancy because it seemed as that would be the best choice… until I realized that was the best choice for everyone else, except for me. I knew any choice other than to keep the baby, would destroy me. Much to my family and my bf’s dismay, I decided to continue on to have the baby and keep it. Eventually my family began warming up to the idea (particularly my mother) and I was finally happy. I had gone shopping several times for baby things, once with my friend, once with my bf and his mom, and once by myself. We also decided on baby names for both genders. I even got a job as an intern for the Department of Public Safety in Columbus. The weekend before I started my new job, I noticed I was spotting. I heard that was common in pregnancy so I tried to ignore it. I ended up losing my baby at my first day of work. I was devastated and so was my family. But soon everyone’s lives returned back to normal except for mine. I still hold a lot of bitterness because I do not feel my loss was a loss for anyone else. The “inconvenience” my pregnancy posed for everyone else was suddenly gone and resolved. It’s been almost 8 months now and I feel more grief than I did before.
