February 10, 2019 after cleaning my house I felt a trickle. I had changed my clothes and thought it was nothing. Five minutes later the trickle became a steady flow and that’s when I thought my water broke. My fiancé Mitchell and I both rushed to the hospital and 20 minutes later I got examined and was told that my water broke at 28 weeks. After having abdominal pain for hours the doctors decided to induce my labor.
February 11, 2019 my beautiful baby boy Steven S. Gluck was born. By his loud cry and scream, boy did he have a healthy set of lungs on him. He didn’t need oxygen when he was admitted into NICU. For a couple of days he was doing great; crying normally, kicking and very alert. Everything was perfect! I had a clear picture of my baby boy coming home since he was the Rockstar of the NICU.
On the 8th day of life my fiancé and I noticed his skin becoming very pale and that’s when the doctors suggested us to sign a consent for blood transfusions for him since it was normal for babies who have trouble fighting any infections. Turns out Steven had very bad E.Coli that was in his blood. We were still waiting for results to see if it was from his own blood or the Transfusion. He was put on antibiotics but things just kept getting worse, he started to have seizures NONE STOP that he was put on 3 different seizure medications and nothing was working. We did not lose HOPE, we prayed and prayed.
My fiance and I got called into the room with many doctors and neurologist and was told that they could not find why this was happening to our baby boy. On the 12th day of Steven’s life we had got a call at 10pm to come to the hospital right away . Our baby boy kidneys were shutting down. When we arrived the doctors started chest compressions on his little body; it was so incredibly hard to watch but our Rockstar was FIGHTING to keep his heart rate above 60. After 30 minutes of trying to keep his heart strong we decided to put Steven back on the ventilator to help support with his oxygen .
My fiancé Mitchell and I both turned our back to Steven to hug each other and cry and at that very moment Steven passed away. I couldn’t believe it! It felt like he waited for us to get to the hospital to talk to him and let us know that he’s a fighter. It felt like he didn’t want us to see him when he took his last breath.
My heart breaks everyday . I ask many many questions what if we didn’t turn our back? What if we didn’t put him back on the ventilator and kept doing chest compressions? All these questions will forever be unanswered and I know to NOT beat myself up over it. God has this plan for everyone and I have to keep reminding myself .
No mother and father should ever have to experience this pain. I ask God why us? Everyday! But I know I will never know why. I love this little boy to the moon and back! He’s our Fighter!!
To all the mothers and fathers out there Stay Strong! We have our angels looking down on us.
Healing Journey
June 5, 2020
I am here today to tell you about how my journey has been since I have lost my son Steven February 2019. Over these past few months I have grieved from the loss of my child, it has been a beautiful grievance for I have learned a lot about myself through this journey but I have learned a lot about premature children and what could happen after birth. I have also studied the anatomy of the body and have learned many interesting things, to keep my body as healthy as possibly for now up until the day I decide to conceive again. Although grieving is sad and feels like you may never heal again YOU WILL. This is a rough road but you have to keep your head held high. You will over come this!
– Thank you for reading my story and I hope to encourage others to KEEP MOVING FORWARD. We have a beautiful angel watching over us.