Marian/Rylin Skye’s Story

Hi! My name is Marian. My story begins with infertility. I’ve struggled with it for years. I finally fell pregnant in 2015 via IUI. Unfortunately, I lost that baby due to a car accident at 11 weeks. My husband and I were finally ready to try again in Jan 2018. We did our 2nd round of fertility treatments and fell pregnant once again right away. Unfortunately, soon after, we lost the baby at 6 weeks. I felt defeated, but since we wanted a family so bad, we were cleared again to try another round. April 2018 we found out it worked again. We were so nervous, yet ecstatic. We were so hopefully that this baby would be the one. Our rainbow. We finally were able to go through ultrasounds and did a genetic test at 9 weeks and found out we were having a girl. She was perfect. Appointments pass, weeks pass, everything was going great. She loved listening to music and moving all around. We took lots of pictures and traveled everywhere, Tennessee, Washington DC, Tampa, FL. We had her nursery set up before 15 weeks. We were so ready for her. My last appointment was December 7th, her heartbeat was 168 and she was moving all around. Beautiful. On Christmas Eve night, I wasn’t able to go to sleep due to the excitement of seeing family and her moving so much. I was finally able to go to sleep at about 3a. About 9a we wake up to start getting ready to see family. I felt so “off” she didn’t move throughout the whole day and I was really concerned. I kept saying to family that something wasn’t right. They kept telling me that I was overreacting and that she needs to rest sometimes and that everything was fine..  After my husband tried playing music for her several times throughout the day, Me drinking orange juice and laying on my left side and no movement at all we finally decided to go in to get checked at about 9pm. After an hour of trying to find the heartbeat and an ultrasound to confirm, our daughter was gone. We were devastated. We were so excited for parenthood, for adventures, for her. We NEEDED HER. We went home to pack up some things for the hospital and moved all of her things and the presents she got that day into the nursery so we wouldn’t have to come home to it. I was induced at 11:30a on Dec 26 2018. We had family fly in from TN, and everyone we knew was pretty much there. We wanted to be surrounded by people who loved us and her. I was so not ready to say goodbye and after fighting it, a lot of crying and praying to God that they were wrong, our daughter, Rylin Skye was born sleeping on Dec 27, 2018 at 4:24a weighing 3lbs 13oz and was 17in. long. She was beautiful, perfect, and looked just like me. My husband, family and I spent 11 hours with her before we finally said goodbye. We decided to get her cremated and put into an urn and a necklace for me. So, we would always have her no matter where we went. It has been 6 months and nothing is the same. We struggle daily about not just losing her but parenthood once again. We didn’t just want a baby. We desperately wanted to be parents. We are taking a break and are looking into adopting an older pair of siblings. We are so ready to be parents and we know we have so much love to give. I struggle daily thinking about getting pregnant again. It was all ripped away from us so fast. How can I ever trust my body again. My husband and I have always wanted to adopt, so we truly believe that this is the next and right step for us in the meantime. Eventually, we will consider trying to have a baby again. I know it will take time, but for now, we will be looking for a wonderful sibling group to give them unconditional love and attention that they truly deserve and that we didn’t get to give to our Rylin. We think and talk about her daily. And since we lost her on Christmas Day our future children will know all about her and we will be setting up her very own mini Christmas tree and we will be adding a special ornament to it every year. That will be our family tradition from now on. I can never replace my little girl or bring her back but I can use her room to give some children a very loving home.

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