Megan’s Story

On May 29 at 9:40pm we welcomed our sweet angel into the world. “Baby Brother” was born at 3in long and weighed 8 grams. Such a teeny tiny precious soul that has left BIG footprints on our hearts. 

At our routine 14 week check up, me and the boys went to see how baby boy was growing. We were looking forward to hearing his little heart beat (I hadn’t been able to find it at home so was hoping the dr tech could) and possibly see him on the ultrasound. Unfortunately no heartbeat was heard and when we went to do the ultrasound, I immediately saw him laying there peacefully. My mama heart knew. 

A missed miscarriage: where the baby stops growing but your body doesn’t recognize the loss so you have no symptoms of miscarriage.

Our little guy was measuring just 12 weeks which means at some point he stopped growing and eventually his heart stopped…. Later that day, after getting the boys situated with family and Jacob coming to the doctors office so we could make a plan, we set a time to start the labor and delivery of our son. At 4pm we drove to maternity admitting at our hospital to be induced. A place I’d been twice before with big ole bellies. But this time I barely looked pregnant, and knew I still had to deliver my sweet boy.

We got the medication around 5:20pm. And then we waited. With Jacob and my mom by my side, we waited. We waited for my body to do the hardest thing it was ever going to have to do: deliver my sleeping baby boy, at 14 weeks old.  As the hours went by, I was in no physical pain but could definitely tell as things were happening. My waters broke (which I wasn’t expecting) and I knew it wouldn’t be long until he made his arrival. 

Not long after, it was time. I went to the bathroom kind of having this feeling. And sure enough, I kind felt him “fall” into place. And that moment, the moment where he was born, was the hardest, most heartbreaking, but most beautiful moment I’ve ever experienced. I looked down and saw him sleeping with his sweet arms up by his head, just like his big brother Cas sleeps. The nurse helped him out the rest of the way and our lives changed forever. And for some reason we will never know, his perfect little soul was meant to meet us early, forever impact our hearts, and then spend the rest of his time in heaven watching over his big brothers. 

My experience having a miscarriage was truly beautiful. My expectations were very different than the reality of what I experienced. I had no physical pain during the process. The induction medication made my body do what it needed to do and it did it with ease. It was challenging emotionally but physically, it was a breeze.

The nursing staff were absolutely incredible, kind, and compassionate. They celebrated our sweet boy and mourned our loss with us. Our doctor was understanding of my wishes and let me do it all as much as I could, without surgery. However, at 3am the next day, I did have a d&c to finish the delivery of the placenta. It was a quick and easy procedure and I’m happy that all of that was done.

As we sit at home recovering, all I think about it that moment he was born and that perfect little life gone too soon. I sit here with his two big brothers who loved him so so so much. I sit here knowing that baby brother will forever be remembered and loved and is in the arms of so many beautiful people in heaven. Heck, I’m sure he had a parade of people waiting to hold him in their arms. And I know one very special person, my Grandma Moe, was the first to scoop him up.

I’m not sure where our story will go from here. But what I do know is that even with this unexpected pregnancy and unexpected miscarriage, our sweet son has forever changed our lives and for that, I am so blessed and SO grateful. 

God is good. 

Being a mom to my earth side babies and now my angel baby is the greatest gift and most beautiful blessing I could ever ask for.

I know I’m not alone to experience loss. And I’ve been blessed to have friends and family members share their stories as I go through this. 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, still birth or infant loss – and that’s just pregnancies that are known. 

After having two healthy pregnancies, I never thought I would experience this but my gut, from day 1, told me this pregnancy would be different. To all those who have or are experience a miscarriage, know that you are not alone. And know that all our babies are watching down on us, knowing that we love them so very, very much.

You can read more of Megan’s story on her blog:

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