I was so excited about my son Jaleel when I birthed him but little did I know he didn’t come to stay. He was a cute little boy, ohhh how I remember his father’s face the first day he held him.
I’m writing this not because I want sympathy but because I know they’re so many mothers in my shoes. Some are mothers to stillborn, miscarriages or Infant loss but that doesn’t remove the fact that they’re still a mother.
After getting an X-ray I was told my son Jaleel had Congenital Anomalies and Duodenal Atresia, which cause is unknown, my head started spinning and my heart beating fast. All I remember is that I broke down and cried after being told he needed surgery. Jaleel was just two weeks when he underwent surgery, came out alive and yes I was happy but sad at the same time. I remember the surgeon taking him from my arms and making me sign documents and immediately the recovery sister took him from me. All I saw was my boy being taken into a room and the doors closed right behind me. I started counting time as I was smelling his clothes waiting to see what and who is coming out.
At last he was brought out and was told to return onward and his father and grandma was happy. My boy had made it the second time. He was in recovery until Monday November 11, 2019 when he didn’t wake up. I thought he was sleeping but his soul had already departed from this world. I didn’t get a chance to watch him move his beautiful fingers and toes or hear him cry for the last time. My baby was gone! He was just 3 days post OP. All my dreams shattered that day, I pictured us leaving the hospital happy like any other mother. But little did I know I would be leaving the hospital and going straight to the cemetery.
“Where did I go wrong”?, Am I good enough”?, Am I worth it”? is what I said to myself.
The most hurtful experience anyone can ever go through while living is the loss of a child and parent. Believe me, when I say pregnancy and infant loss stole the innocence I had before it all happened.
People will say you’ll have another baby but a life is not replaceable. I buried my first child in pain and vein. I had to figure out how I was going to live with all the questions from people asking and telling me “How’s the baby”? and etc. All trials and test are sent by Allah and are tough to the extent you’ll ask God where you went wrong.
I LOVE YOU SON! Always and forever until we meet again. ❤️